Besides...

If James Franco can do it, then so can I.  : D

Life Adventures: Fixer Upper, Picker Upper

The answer is "c," my dears.  In case you haven't figured it out.  And if you have, you succeed in this round and you may enter the next level where a genie will grant you three wishes (while wielding a self-help book) and a latte.  Sometimes it pays to be a little honest. 

By honesty, I mean:  ARE YOU KIDDING ME?  THERE IS NO WAY YOU CAN GRADE 30 PAPERS IN ONE DAY AND COOK DINNER AND WASH THE DISHES AND FINISH THAT SHORT STORY AND GO TO BED AT A DECENT HOUR!!!!

Yep...honesty really is the best policy.  What I'm learning as I head down this crazy little river called Life is I have to set realistic goals.  Once I do that, I can keep my promises, cross off items on my to-do list, AND go to bed at a decent hour.  If I can't do the decent hour thing, then at least I can feel good about two small victories.  I guess somewhere over the rainbow I started to think the more goals the merrier.  It's true on some level; just keep the short-term goals to a minimum.  The long-term goals - go crazy!  The next thing I'm learning:  GET IT DONE.  No procrastinating, no complaining, and no stalling.  If these are the reasons I didn't get my work done, then I have no one to blame but myself.  The third realization is something I learned from Weight Watchers:  it'll happen.  Even if it's a half pound a week.  It adds up in the end.  Just keep the faith.

I know K&P is going to be difficult, but I'm ready for this challenge.  I don't have the motivation to get a new job (I love my job, remember?) and I don't have any strong motivation to become a millionaire (mo money, mo problems, right?).  So my only motivation is to be as successful as possible.  Because it's mine, all mine.  And if I'm successful that can open so many doors.  I can start my charities, I can go back for my PhD., and I can have some kind of extra income (let's be honest, it's part of the perks).  But really just to have something to call my own and to be proud of running all by myself.  That's the real adventure. 

I read somewhere that everything you do - and experience - leads you up to that particular moment when you take a chance.  You've been prepared for it, so there isn't anything stopping you but yourself.  Who knows - I probably heard my roommate quote one of her self-help books.  It may be a cliche, but it's true. 

The short term goals - time management, getting to the next "to do" item.  The long term goals - make it happen, make it worthwhile and make it count.

See?  I'm catching on.  I almost hear those self-help books now.  They breathe a sigh of relief:  Finally!

I'm ready. 

Life Adventures: Time Management Fixer-Upper

So where was I?  Ahh, yes.  I was overweight, overworked, and overwhelmed.  It was a shame too because I had just finished graduate school, just found a job that I LOVE (college writing professor), and just started a really happy relationship.  Naturally, the transitions didn't bother me so much as the trying to make time to fix what had gone wrong over the last two years AND include the good parts that had recently appeared. 

With a little help from Weight Watchers, I lost all the weight (and then some!  The program works!).  I got myself situated at one college and managed to take on two more colleges.  I'm still in a happy relationship.  So why do I still feel the way I did after I found out I was immune to self-help books?

I think part of the problem is I continue to fall back on my old habits.  I don't take time for myself - meaning, I don't exercise to blow off steam, I don't partake in hobbies I enjoy, and I don't get enough sleep at night.  Not exactly selfish behavior, but why do we feel that's always the case?  Is it because most of the morning radio prattle, magazine articles, and sitcom plot lines portray the American view of "taking on too much?"  Is the view an inevitable part of adulthood or can parts of it get thrown away? The second part of the problem is I think everyone will understand how busy I am and cut me some slack.  Not the case.  As an undergrad, you are told that school always comes first.  If you have to study or take time for school, that is understandable.  Once you graduate, the training wheels come off.  Now you are expected to act like an adult and manage your time as an adult.  No one will decline invites for you, no one will help you when the dishes are overflowing, the cat is crying, and you have 26 emails to answer in four hours.  No one will help - and they shouldn't.  I wanted this chaos; now it was up to me to survive and manage it.

I realize that now.  I am stressed out and sad because I cannot stand up for myself.  I am stressed out and sad because I feel I'm placing myself 50th on my list of things to do, and I see everyone I know placing themselves on the top 5 of their lists.  It's confusing and daunting - and, like I said, I'm a slow learner.

But I think I'm getting it now, wouldn't you agree?  The only question is:  what should I do about this situation I found myself in?

a) Rely on my work ethic and good humor to pull me up by my bootstraps
b) Hide in my room for a few weeks; then suddenly reappear with a "looking out for numero uno" attitude
c) Be honest with myself.  For once.  Which, ironically, is what those self-help books say all along, don't they?

Life Adventures: Time Management

If my roommate found ways to improve herself through self-help books, then I discovered my own way to improve myself:  screwing up over and over again.  I continued to touch the hot stove, constantly lost my winter gloves, and repeatedly turned the wrong corner again and again.  I was hopeless. 

Now, I would like to think I'm not AS hopeless as before, but I'm definitely in the hopeless --- situated range.  It isn't that I take on too many projects at once; I like to stay busy and I like to be involved in everything.  I never wanted to be that person who never researched big purchases, never knew the book value of her car, never understood the ins and outs of renting an apartment, never turned down a chance to learn from another person, and (especially) never went to the next step because "it's too hard."  So I became involved.  And loved it.   As a result, college became the most important life-changing event of my life.

But then college ended. I found a "grown-up" job and everything seemed to be at a steady pace.  Except...I hated that "grown-up" job.  It didn't appeal to anything I enjoyed and I felt cheated.  What had I worked so hard for?  My boss hated how involved I wanted to be in everything, and she especially did not enjoy the way I treated my clients (making room for all, regardless of how much they were paying).  She didn't get me, and I didn't get her.  It was at the moment she was lecturing me on "how money made the world go round" that I went back to my desk and wrote my resignation.  I didn't hand it in that day, but I did send something else:  my application to graduate school.

So I quit that job and went back to graduate school.  I think my first mistake was it would be just like college.  Well....not quite.  I had to work six jobs and support my household all on my own.  No one - not my bosses or my family - understood the pressure I was under to write an "A" paper or complete an assignment that needed eight hours to do.  I became very stressed out and my "meltdowns" were of epic (and frightening) proportions.  I lost myself and my voice...and gained about 45 pounds.

See?  Told ya I'm a slow learner.

Life Adventure: Self-Help Books

When I was in college, I had a roommate who lived for self-help books.  She should devour every single one she bought.  My roommate would have a bad day, or stand at some inevitable crossroad in her life, and head straight to Barnes and Noble and buy a self-help book.  Loving Yourself, Saying Yes to You, Being Comfortable in Your Own Skin, Promoting and Keeping Healthy Relationships..most of these titles featured some extremely confident looking person on the cover.  They would smile back at her with arms folded across their chests like a bunch of genies ready to make all her wishes come true.  These authors had always been on the brink of something - homelessness, suicide, bad relationships - and now here they were on the cover of their NY Times Best-Selling Book ready to tell US how to CHANGE OUR lives for the BETTER.  My roommate would read these books and then in a few days be back to her old self.  She looked so convincing that I began to think these books would help me.  After all, they've helped thousands, perhaps millions, of other people.  My roommate was more than happy to lend me her books, completely convinced that I would find the same solace she did.

So I read them.

And I got nothing.  Absolutely nothing?  Are you sure?  the books asked me.  Maybe you are reading too fast.  Read again and focus on us and only us.

So I read them.  Again. 

And I got nothing.  Again.  The books sighed, obviously angry with me and demanded to go back to my roommate's shelf, where they can sit with her Biology textbooks and the other self-help books and talk about me behind my back.  What is wrong with her?  the books whispered.  She doesn't get us.  We can't help her.

Those self-help books were right:  they couldn't help me.  Just like everyone has a different type of learning (you could be audio or visual or written, depending on the subject), everyone has a different way of figuring out how they fit into the grand scheme of things.

And, as you will read, I am a very slow learner.

And...We hit One Week!

Whew!  Tomorrow makes the one week anniversary of Kora & Penelope!  After all of the stress and worry, it finally happened.  Every time I check out the shop, I get this little twinge of pride.  It's all unicorns and rainbows and chocolate chip cookies from here, people.  Well, not quite.

So now what? 

Good rhetorical question, hypothetical me.  Now we post!  We create!  We blog!  We tweet!  Well, not "we."  Just me.  And that's more than enough.  I'm still trying to work out a schedule as to when to post and when to blog.  The spring semester is wrapping up quickly, so I need to balance K&P with my students.  Naturally, both are very important parts of my life.  Not to mention the rest of my life too - I like being busy; it keeps me out of trouble.

Of course, there are other projects on the horizon too.  I'm turning the "spare" room (AKA the room where we throw our junk) into a library.  Complete with a crafter's closet!  I'm happiest when I'm a) creating, b) reading, or c) working.  Working all three into a library seemed like a great idea.  To quote Virginia Woolf, "a woman needs a little money and room of her own."  It was true then, and it's still true now.  Right now, I'm concentrating on the room of my own. 

After a very successful DIY invite session, my friend, Carolyn (the bride-to-be) has some of her invites done.  We still need to finish them up, but we have a great system going.  To anyone who is looking to emboss her invites - keep your cat away from the embossment powder!  I will say no more.  ; )

Aside from posting on K&P, I'm working on a mini-catalogue to share with my new customers.  I'll keep you all in the loop!

More next time, dear readers.  I'm hearing snow in this area tonight.  Fingers crossed that my classes DO NOT get cancelled!  I'm over snow days - Too much make-up work. (although, I could craft at home....hmmmm.  Kidding!!!)

Why I will continue to delete and retype entries (The Dream Series Part 2)

Hello, dear readers, it has been awhile.  So what happened?  I was all pumped up and ready to share my thought process to the world...but then, I began to editorialize.  For some reason, the last post had been angry and frustrated.  All of my fears and negativity came bellowing out, and what I was left with was a post I was less than proud of writing.  That is not what I want to accomplish here, so *delete button*

But now that Starbucks has celebrated its 40th anniversary, and I'm almost ready to launch my own store, I'm still considering the American Dream.  What does it mean, o pioneers?  Job security?  Doing what you love?  Contributing to your environment? 

Or is it all of the above? 

I'm extremely fortunate in the fact that I have accomplished much and (thanks to my mother) have very strong ambitions.  Of course, I'm also blessed with many responsibilities - family, work, friends, and a special needs kitty - that take up most of my time.  So where do I come in?  Where do my dreams begin to take flight?  I used to think it was selfish to pursue what you wanted.  In order to do so, you have to devote so much of your personal time to something that will only benefit you.  But now I understand that was my naive worldview doing the talking.  It isn't selfish.  The happier you are, the more you can do for those around you.  You cannot make a difference if you are unhappy with your lot.  Think of that Gandhi quote we always hear:  "Be the change you want to see in the world."  It may be a cliche saying, but does it make the cliche any less true?  Or is it overused for a reason? 

Well, come midnight tonight, we shall see.  I'm happiest when creating, and I'm a better person when I create things with other people in mind.  It's my turn to try for American expansion like so many other pioneers before me.  Isn't that the point?  To believe in the "pull yourself up by the bootstraps" and to work hard in order to profit?  That's the American Dream we're taught at a young age, and it's the only one I know.

As I prepare for the launch tonight, I wish you good luck on your search for the new frontier, fellow pioneer.  I'll see you on the other side.