So where was I? Ahh, yes. I was overweight, overworked, and overwhelmed. It was a shame too because I had just finished graduate school, just found a job that I LOVE (college writing professor), and just started a really happy relationship. Naturally, the transitions didn't bother me so much as the trying to make time to fix what had gone wrong over the last two years AND include the good parts that had recently appeared.
With a little help from Weight Watchers, I lost all the weight (and then some! The program works!). I got myself situated at one college and managed to take on two more colleges. I'm still in a happy relationship. So why do I still feel the way I did after I found out I was immune to self-help books?
I think part of the problem is I continue to fall back on my old habits. I don't take time for myself - meaning, I don't exercise to blow off steam, I don't partake in hobbies I enjoy, and I don't get enough sleep at night. Not exactly selfish behavior, but why do we feel that's always the case? Is it because most of the morning radio prattle, magazine articles, and sitcom plot lines portray the American view of "taking on too much?" Is the view an inevitable part of adulthood or can parts of it get thrown away? The second part of the problem is I think everyone will understand how busy I am and cut me some slack. Not the case. As an undergrad, you are told that school always comes first. If you have to study or take time for school, that is understandable. Once you graduate, the training wheels come off. Now you are expected to act like an adult and manage your time as an adult. No one will decline invites for you, no one will help you when the dishes are overflowing, the cat is crying, and you have 26 emails to answer in four hours. No one will help - and they shouldn't. I wanted this chaos; now it was up to me to survive and manage it.
I realize that now. I am stressed out and sad because I cannot stand up for myself. I am stressed out and sad because I feel I'm placing myself 50th on my list of things to do, and I see everyone I know placing themselves on the top 5 of their lists. It's confusing and daunting - and, like I said, I'm a slow learner.
But I think I'm getting it now, wouldn't you agree? The only question is: what should I do about this situation I found myself in?
a) Rely on my work ethic and good humor to pull me up by my bootstraps
b) Hide in my room for a few weeks; then suddenly reappear with a "looking out for numero uno" attitude
c) Be honest with myself. For once. Which, ironically, is what those self-help books say all along, don't they?
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